i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
