when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
