why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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