this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
