the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
