Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
