Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
