I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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