when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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