I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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