Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she smelled like a LAN party
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
