yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
