what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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