it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
