I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
