i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
