I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
