After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
