I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
