Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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