HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
