I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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