don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
