put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
