On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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