Will you blow on my dice?
one two three fourrrrnication!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
