i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
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What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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