I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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