how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
