make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am available for nakedness
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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