they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize