So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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