..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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