And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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