you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
