After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
