I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
