It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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