so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
