So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
