I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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