sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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