she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
