Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
