just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
