I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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