I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
