Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
