I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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