and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
