Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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