Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
