everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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