I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
