I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
