I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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