we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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