Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
