Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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