and she was petting her beer can
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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