I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
