I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
