U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
