Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You made out with two different species that night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
