You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
