Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Randomize
