I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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