Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
