Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
