It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
porn star boner night. come get it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
