Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
