my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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