Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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